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Civic initiative
MOTHER COURAGE

 

WHY SERBS DESERVE TO DIE OUT FROM THE WHITE PLAGUE* - Part II

Featuring Mama-Kangaroo and Papa-Kangaroo in the episode:
EPIDURAL

 

One should let the nature take its own course?

Well, I wasn't so sure. Concerning childbirth, I was very religious and had literal faith in the Word of God that women are punished to bear children in pain. My attitude was quite clear from the very beginning: either I receive an epidural, or I am changing my name to Georgina!**

"You are aware that epidural needs to be paid for additionally, right?", said my Doctor-Forced-On-Me. I did not choose her willingly, but was forced to have her. My-Doctor, who was following my pregnancy, works in the private practice, and the laws of this country do not allow doctors from private practice to deliver babies. Pregnant woman has to go to the State-Hospital. My-Doctor is not allowed into the State Hospital. Pregnant woman has to have her baby delivered by a Doctor-Forced-On-Her who works in the State Hospital. If a pregnant woman is lucky, she will manage to find Doctor-Forced-On-Her-Through-Connection. I had such "luck".

"Well, yes, I do know, there is a notice on the hospital board: 10.000 dinars (150 euros) is to be paid to the hospital bank account...", I started explaining naively.

"That is the required payment for the hospital, sure. But, let's not fool each other, you do know how things stand. Anesthesiologist needs to be bribed on the top of that."

I did not fool myself, of course I didn't. And I did know how things stand. Still, I felt as if something cut through my pregnant belly. I imagined Papa-Kangaroo having a heart-attack when I tell him that the costs he planed for have suddenly risen. I can already hear him: "Are you sure you really need that epidural...?"

And I am sure. Really, really, really sure. As sure as Serbia is sure that in fight against the White Plague only babies born in pain, but not those born with epidural count, as health insurance does not cover the cost of it. And as sure as the anesthesiologist is sure that he won't allow himself to pass on the opportunity to profit from the fear of the sinful woman that God punished to bear children in pain.

"How much?"

"250 euros."***

Now I am sure that Papa-Kangaroo will definitely have a heart-attack. "With 150 euros we need to pay to the hospital, that is 400 euros in total for an epidural, woman!", I can already hear him. I gulp.

"Ok", I barely manage to say without bursting into tears out loud.

Doctor-Forced-On-Me-Through-Connection gives me the card of the anesthesiologist, praising him all the way, mentioning btw that she does not work "with just anybody". Who those "just anybodies" she would not work with are - she does not say, but that little piece of my brain that hormones still did not eat away realizes that they are definitely present in the hospital, that they are dangerous, and that I was very, very lucky to find an insider that will guard me against them. Why those life-endangering people even have a job in the hospital - my brain can not fathom. The center for that logic was, probably, eaten away by hormones.

I get out of the office, ready to face Papa-Kangaroo. One look at him is enough for me to burst into tears and start sobbing.

"What is it, is something wrong?!", he panics.

I realize that my crying has frightened him above all proportion. I hurry up to explain that everything is ok with my kangaroo-pouch, but that the news is bad for his. We both had the kangaroo-pouches, you see. The only difference between his and mine was that mine was kicking me, and his was frustrating him. He constantly had to fight to find ways to fill his wallet.

"Don't worry. We will figure something out", Papa-Kangaroo comforts me.

"And I am thinking", said I through tears, "that we should report them to the police!"

"You are definitely an insane woman! Who is going to deliver our baby then? Policemen?"

It is good that Papa-Kangaroo's brain was not eaten away by hormones. If it was, my son's first words could have easily been woo-woo-woo. This way, between People in White**** and People in Blue, we opted for People in White.

No matter the cost!

 

Footnotes:

* "White Plague" is a popular phrase used to refer to low birth rates.
** Georgina is the character from one very famous local theater comedy play, a woman who has been pregnant for three years.
*** Average monthly salary at the time was about 150 euros.
**** "People in White" are the doctors, because they wear white uniforms.

 

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